Christmas Spirit

It's that time of year when kids of all ages start making their lists and checking it twice. And, while I know that I am not supposed to be a fan of the commercialism of Christmas, I am a huge fan of the beauty and excitement and childlike faith that this season can bring.

I grew up believing in Santa Claus but not knowing a whole lot about God. It wasn't until jr. high/high school that I began attending youth group with friends and began my relationship with Him. And you know what, I have never confused the two.

One of my most vivid childhood memories is from a Christmas Eve night many years ago. The house was dark and everyone was asleep when I was awakened by the sound of something in the house. When I peeked around the corner into our living room, there was a fire in the fireplace and Santa was putting a present behind our lighted tree. I didn't want to get caught, so I scurried back to bed and pretended to be asleep. I even heard the bells on Santa's sleigh as he departed for the next house on his list.

There are few things you should know about this story. First of all, my mother would never have left the Christmas tree lights on overnight. I am not even sure the fireplace in our house was functional because I don't remember there ever being a fire in there with the exception of that night, and there was no dad, relative or family friend who would have dressed up to be Santa at our house in the middle of the night. You should also know that the doll that I had asked Santa for was in that exact spot when presents were opened that Christmas morning.

The faith of a child.

I am not a child anymore and there has been more than enough reality in my life to crush the spirit of the little girl who continues to believe that she saw Santa in her living room. My faith is now in a Savior who gave me the greatest gift ever - not a doll that I no longer possess - but His life for mine. A belief that there is more to life than any toy or gift that can be brought in a sleigh, and a promise that one day, instead of hiding from my benefactor, I will run into His open arms.

Jesus really is the reason for the season, but I never want to lose the childlike wonder I had for Christmas when I was a little girl peeking around the corner at the picture perfect Christmas scene unfolding in my living room. And who knows, I might even write a letter to Santa this year. Why? Because it is fun to believe. :)

What I Have Been Given

I am always amazed by my children this time of year. Although they have every toy known to man - except an X-Box 360 and PS3 (or X-Box or PS any number for that matter) - they still find so many things they "want" for Christmas. And, I am not going to deny that I have my own list as well - an expensive list. Mainly because if it isn't expensive, I probably would have bought it myself. :) But I digress...

This Christmas has been a lot of fun for me. My love language is gifts. Flat out. Acts of service and words of affirmation are probably a very close 2 and 3, but there is no doubt about number 1. I love to give gifts to family and friends - for everything, and this year, along with our other giving, we were able to host two surprise Christmases for friends and their families. It was awesome! It has been, by far, the best part of my Christmas season.

This year has been a struggle for me. If you have followed my blogs for some time, you will have walked through some of those struggles with me. And now, they are compounded by my physical issues as well. We have struggled with teenagers and motivation. We have family members and friends who have been out of work for some time. There have also been times when I questioned whether or not I should be working or if I should stay home.

It hit me tonight that Christmas is really less than 3 days away, and apart from the get-togethers listed above, I really haven't been able to enjoy most of it. I love everything about Christmas, and yet there have only been a few moments this year when I have really been able to take in the wonder of the lights and music and festivities. That scares me a little bit.

I am reminded of a song by Casting Crowns.

While You Were Sleeping

Oh little town of Bethlehem
Looks like another silent night
Above your deep and dreamless sleep
A giant star lights up the sky
And while you're lying in the dark
There shines an everlasting light
For the King has left His throne
And is sleeping in a manger tonight

Oh Bethlehem, what you have missed while you were sleeping
For God became a man
And stepped into your world today
Oh Bethlehem, you will go down in history
As a city with no room for its King
While you were sleeping
While you were sleeping

Christmas is such a precious time of year. I don't care if you are fans of Santa or if you choose to be on the "naughty" list. Christmas is a time of wonder. It is a time of giving. It is a time to remember THE gift that was given. A time to reflect on the gifts given to us throughout the year. And, I have been missing it because I have been bogged down in the muck of the past and present.

I realized too, tonight, that I have been given some really special gifts already - ones that don't have ribbons and bows, but that show God's love and goodness for me.

The first is my family. Even though we don't always get along, and the kids can drive me over the edge of insanity from time to time, we are still a family. There are no quarrels over visitation or step families with which to contend. And, while I know that there are families out there who are blessed by a second marriage, I am blessed that I am married and have not had to lose a spouse.

Another blessing is my home. It's not in the most expensive or trendiest neighborhood in town, but I live in a home with heat and enough rooms that each of my children can have their own bedroom. We have a two car garage with two cars to go in it. And while there are parts of it that are in need of repair, our mortgage is current and I do not need to have bars on my windows to feel safe.

My third gift is my job. I was not raised in a church, and I remember finding out one time that my aunt worked at her church. I thought that was the coolest thing ever. And now, I get to do that every day. God blessed me even further by giving me the best boss in the world, and I believe that with my whole heart. Seriously. I have worked in many different types of office environments in the past, and none comes close to the great relationships that we have at Pathway. It is a gift.

I have also been given the gift of a church family. A really, really big church family. From that family, God has given me some deep friendships for which I will be forever grateful. Pastor Ron, the staff, my small group - past and present, my boss and his wife, so many people who have touched our lives in the last 5 years. These are the people who speak into my life and help me to grow as a person. I am blessed.

I don't want to sleep through Christmas this year. It's not about the naughty and nice list. I don't want to sleep through the most amazing gift of love ever given. Jesus came so that I might not have to walk the path of this past year (or any year) alone, and He has given me an incredible support system. He has blessed me in so many ways, and I want to celebrate each and every gift this season - and every day to come.