Catching a Break - or Not

I realized tonight that is has been several weeks since I have posted. Actually, I notice that each time I bring up my internet; because I have it bookmarked in an effort to remind me to update it periodically, but I am usually too busy or two distracted to do much about it.

Tonight is only slightly different. I actually logged on to get a few things off my to do list, but it is quiet. And, since I have a few minutes alone, you get to be the recipients of my ramblings. Hopefully at some point you will be blessed and I will get my head on straight. That my friend, would be a win-win. We'll see.

Lately it seems that God is determined to teach me every lesson I ever need to learn BEFORE I go on my trip. It's kind of an "if it can go wrong, it will" type scenario at our house. Jaron's class in Carmel is going really well. He has already begun to make some progress in his coordination which is really exciting for us. It is taking a ton of money in gas, and I don't know what day of the week it is most days, but I am so glad we are taking advantage of this opportunity.

Since we have started these classes:

• Jaron has had pneumonia.
• I have had/have bronchitis.
• My mother has sold her house and has 60 days to find a place to live.

Add to this work, curriculum planning for the trip, planning for the trip in general and lots and lots of time on the interstate. We have lost power and had siding blow off our house during a storm. The CO detector started chirping (turned out to be only a dead battery in the power outage), and Jay has Jaron at Redi-med because he is not feeling well again, possibly due to an infection in a scrape on his knee. This has all happened in less than 14 days!

I have been reminded on numerous occasions that God is in control, and I believe that. I really do. He has given me an incredibly strong support base of people who are watching out for me and praying for me. They are amazing. They are the definition of true community, and there is no way I can ever repay them for all that they have done for me in recent days. I just really don't like being so high maintenance. I like to serve others and be there for others and encourage others. It's actually kind of hard being on the other end of the continuum.

So, as I continue to work toward my trip, and work out the final details of curriculum, and what I need to pack, and as I serve in my ministry to Eric and Journey Groups, and as I do all that I can to help my mom get herself situated, and try to be the best mom and wife I can be to the boys and to Jay, I will continue to press on. I don't know why everything happens at once, but I do know that everything happens for a reason. I may not understand it. I may not like it. But, I know there is a bigger picture.

I have a post-it on my desk. I think I blogged about it once. One of the statements is "ruin me." I kinda feel like God might be answering that prayer. He's taking away everything that says I can do this on my own, and He's asking me to trust Him and Him alone. It was a scary prayer when I contemplated it, and it is even scarier as I see it played out. This is new territory, and I think I am as frightened, if not more so, of the vulnerability that is coming out than I am of the individual situations in and of themselves.

One of my favorite passages of scripture is Philippians 3:12-14: Not that I have already attained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own, but one thing I do, forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. (ESV) I can only trust that on the other side of the finish line, I will be the woman that God has called me to be all along. And that will be worth it!