The retreat was a great getaway, although I missed several of my friends who are usually able to be there. My friend, Betsy, and I had fun chatting, scrapbooking and making friends with the group of ladies seated next to us. I completed 25 pages which is a little low for me, but there were no "drop-in" pages which tend to run the numbers up. I would definitely call it a successful weekend. Michael is now ALMOST a junior in his book (he's a senior in real-life), and I made a little more progress in my Serbia album as well.
I also did a lot of thinking, and I realized a few things about myself. (Seriously, those of you who know me, don't laugh.)
- I feel responsible for EVERYTHING.
- I am an pleaser. (Is that the right word?) I take responsibility for everyone else's well-being - emotionally and physically - often to the detriment of my own.
- Sometimes I just want someone to realize that I have struggles too.
I know that last one might seem a little odd to anyone reading this blog because I have been pretty open here with thoughts and feelings, but in my real life, as opposed to the faceless blogging world, I struggle with standing up for my needs, wants and desires. I would like to say it is because I have laid down my own desires for those of Christ, but that would not only be a bit nauseating, it would be untrue. I think it stems more from what I learned about myself this weekend. Unfortunately, unlike Jesus, I am not omniscient, omnipresent and omnipotent, and trying to please everyone while not asking for anything in return is exhausting. Sometimes I slip.
So, off I go into a new week with my new found knowledge of yet another area that God and I need to work through. It seems as though life is coming at me from all sides right now, which either means I am doing something wrong, or more probably doing something right. I am just going to keep hanging on to the knowledge that I am not who I was pre-Serbia nor who I was even pre-weekend. God is doing a little bit each day, and someday this will all be a distant memory. Until then may I recommend another song for your listening enjoyment. I believe I heard God's voice through it this weekend, maybe He has something to say to you as well. :)
I Am New by Jason Gray
Here is a little snippet:
Hidden in Christ,
Made in the Image of the Giver of Life
Righteous and Holy
Reborn and Remade
Accepted and Worthy,
this is our new name...