As I sit and look at those words, I don’t even know what to say. I really don’t. A year ago, I would have laughed at them. I lived in a constant state of fear. Fear of failure. Fear that I wasn’t good enough. Fear of letting down those I cared about. Fear of the unknown.
And then came Serbia - the beginning of an amazing journey that continues to change me day by day. I have grown so much that I only recognize glimpses of who I was a year ago today.
Today I look at those words, and I realize how far I have come. I realized it a few weeks ago when our church was talking about their new ministry to the Home of Love in India. It wasn’t a feeling of, “Wow. That’s cool. Not me.” It was a spark that told me that it might be me. And, I was okay with that.
I realized it last week when after facing a really long and trying day, I came to the conclusion that I have to be happy with myself. I have to stand by what I believe to be right – and that is enough.
No fear. It’s a new sensation. It’s one that I kind of like. I am still amazed by it.
My heart is a little sad this week. I miss my Serbian friends, and the incredible hospitality of the country. I miss the kids and the fun camp activities, and the heat…well, maybe not the heat…but you get the idea. :) Mostly, I miss the relationships – both with students and others at camp as well as with our own team. Like with any trip, even though our team has tried to stay connected, it is difficult with jobs and life, etc… The plan is to return to Serbia next year. I can’t wait. No fear.
And who knows…maybe one day I will be headed to India. I am excited about the prospect, but I am not afraid. No fear. Can you believe it? No fear!
I am so thankful for my Serbia team. They were patient. They loved me when I didn’t even know who I was. They believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. I will be forever in their debt. Forever.
I love the new me, and I can’t wait to see where God will take me. I only hope that I can continue to walk - and to grow – with no fear.