Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Amusing God

Sometimes I don’t have a clue as to my purpose in life. Is it to be the best wife and mother that I can be? Is it to be the best administrative assistant in the world? Is it to make a difference for Christ? Today, I think I figured it out. My sole purpose in this life is to amuse God.

Let me give you an example. I recently started attending a study called “A Woman After God’s Own Heart,” and I keep missing it. Not the study – although I missed it this week – I keep missing the big picture. I say things like “Yes, Lord, but…” How crazy is that? I am telling the God of the universe who created me and everything in all creation that I know more about what is best for me than He does – that my plan is better than His. That’s craziness.

I have heard that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result, and yet I do that regularly in my walk with Christ. I make the same mistakes over and over, and yet I think I am going to grow in my faith. Very patiently, God watches my vain attempts and chuckles.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think He is chuckling in a “wow, you’re stupid” sort of way. I think He chuckles in an “I can’t wait to see her joy when she gets it” sort of way – an “I wish she could see what she is missing” sort of way.

You see, I know that God loves me through all of my insanity. He is watching me grow, and He takes joy in each of my baby steps toward submission. He chuckled when I said I wasn’t contemplating a mission trip this summer, because He knew that I would. I am sure He laughed out loud when I said there was no way I would go to Serbia, because He knew that not only would I go, I would be excited about it. I think He is chuckling even now as I am looking at the details and getting caught up in the totally unimportant. I don’t know why He is chuckling – yet – but I will, and I can’t wait, because, each time God chuckles, I learn something more about His love for me. And, it is in those chuckles that I grow.

Thought to ponder: If my purpose in life is to amuse God, and I am very good at that, does that mean I am already a woman after God’s own heart? I sure hope so. :)

Thursday, February 11, 2010


There are times when I wish that I were a stay-at-home mom again. I wish I could say that it is for some noble purpose like spending more time focused on caring for my family. While that is true, and a definite benefit of not working, my main reason is that it would give me more time to write! I have had thoughts for several blog posts recently, but the urgency waned as days passed and now those thoughts will have to wait for another chance on another day.

Tonight, however, my thoughts are taking me somewhere I have never been. Serbia. When I was in high school, if you would have asked me where I dreamed of visiting, I would have said France. In fact, I took French as a foreign language in high school, and did quite well. After untold years of not using it, I remember very little, but at the time, I would dream of visiting Paris and experiencing the French culture - even if I only knew how to find the restroom and the bus stop :).

In college, if you had asked, I would have told you I dreamed of going to England. I had the world's most awesome British literature teacher in college. He had been to all of the places we read about and could take us there through his own personal stories. I could get lost in a countryside I had never seen - and language would not even be a barrier. I would still love to see them at some point, but that isn't exactly where my heart is leading me right now.

Serbia. Until recently, if you had asked me to rank all the places in the world I would like to visit, Serbia would not have made the top 10...or 20...or 30. In fact, it would probably ranked somewhere well below the jungles of Africa and only slightly higher than Iraq. To me, Serbia was a scary place. It was war-torn and dangerous. Did I mention war-torn?

Fast forward to a few months ago. I happened to sit in on a missions team meeting for our church. They were discussing the various mission opportunities that would be available in 2010. They were also tossing around numbers on scale of 1-10 as to the (for lack of a better word) intensity of the trips. Mozambique - camping in tents in the wilderness and visiting unreached African tribes ranked a 10. Helping with an Easter egg hunt in New York ranked around a 1. And then, someone mentioned that Serbia was a 3. A 3? That's crazy! Serbia was at least a 9 in my book. War-torn. Dangerous. Scary. There was no way they would convince me that Serbia was a 3!

Later I learned that one of the trips would involve English camps. I was so excited. I am not a doctor or nurse, and I doubt I would be much help on a construction site, but English I do. I have a degree in it. I speak it. This was a trip where I could truly use my talents. I couldn't wait to find out which trip it was. Any guesses? ... Serbia. And, who is the leader of the trip to Serbia? The world's best boss - my boss, Eric.

God has taken away every reason I can think of for not following His call to Serbia. My every instinct is to panic whenever I think about it, but God has given my heart and mind a peace that is beyond all human reason. This is so far outside of my comfort zone that I can't even see it from here, but I know at this point that if I don't go, I will regret it for the rest of my life.

So, that is the plan. God willing, in July, I will board a plane to one of the scariest places I can think of in the world. A place where I have no knowledge of the language. A definite 9 for me on a scale of 1-10, and I will be trusting God to use me in a mighty way through the gifts and talents He has given me. It still amazes me.

By the way...did I mention that one of the mission trips offered is to France. But my in Serbia.