In a Moment

I lost a friend today. Actually, I apparently lost a friend a few months ago, but I didn't find out about it until today. Maybe that is a sign that I wasn't the friend I should have been. You see, this friend didn't live all that far away from me. There were no angry words or difficult circumstances that kept us apart. We just didn't really keep in touch after Jay and I left our previous church. I saw her a couple of times, but it just wasn't a priority. We both had busy lives and families, and I guess I just always thought that I would stop by and see her at work, but rarely did I.

The loss was all the more sudden for me in the way I found out. Michael happened to mention my friend's daughter, and I asked how she was doing. He said "better than she was." When I asked what he meant, he said, "Well, her mom died." It was kind of a well-don't-be-stupid kind of tone. He thought I knew.

I know Kelly wouldn't want me to beat myself up. That was Kelly. But it scares me a little bit to think that one of my friends could go to be with the Lord and I wouldn't even know it. Kelly is actually the second close friend that I had lost contact with in Fort Wayne that died of cancer. My heart still hurts when I pass the church where my friend Anita's funeral was held. At least I was there for her funeral. Anita's family knew how much I cared. Kelly's family will never know that.

According to Facebook I have 320 friends. I won't even go there. While I really do know and like everyone on my friends list, to call them friends is a bit of a stretch. Some of them barely know me, and I have only scratched the surface of knowing them. Kelly wasn't one of my Facebook friends. I don't even know if she had a Facebook.

My true friends are the ones who know the real me. The one I typically hide from everyone. They are the ones I consider family, and it is really a pretty small list. Even then, I don't get to talk with some of them very often. What if they don't know, as Kelly didn't, that they have made a difference in my life? What if they don't know that I think of them often? What if they don't know that I wish I could see each of them more than I do? What if they think I have forgotten them, as Kelly probably did?

Today, in the midst of a world where dreams come true, reality struck in a very real way and yanked the chains of my priorities. Although I had not seen Kelly in a very long time, I will miss her dearly. She (and Anita) were two of the sweetest people I have ever known. I only wish I had been the friend to them that they were to me.

I know that I will see Kelly and Anita again. That is one bit of joy among the sadness. They were both women who held very tightly to their faith. Until then, I hope not to make the same mistake that I made with them with anyone else. It's time to revisit my resolutions for the new year. If spending more time with those I care about wasn't on the list, it will be now. Because we never know what will happen in a moment.