More than I can carry...

I have been mulling this post around in my head most of today. Well, not actually the post, but the thoughts, and I say most of the day because I took a rather lengthy, albeit unexpected, nap this afternoon.

I know that I have written before that I am blessed to work at my church, but have I ever told you how blessed I am to call Pathway my church home. It's not a perfect church, but I believe the leadership has a true heart for being obedient in their own personal walks with Christ and that ebbs over into the ministry. It's a great church.

One of the problems with being on staff at a church is that sometimes you can get caught up in the day to day functions as a staff and get a little, for lack of a better word, casual about the worship service. It's not that you don't attend, you can just get a little "distracted." Confession is good for the soul, right? :)

I have to admit that today was one of those days for me. Our senior pastor is doing a series on forgiveness. Last week I ended up missing most of the service because I wasn't feeling well, so this week, I was noticing all the decorations in the sanctuary, thinking that I should tell our worship arts what a great job they did. I was busy looking up the scripture passages on the new Bible I had downloaded to my NookColor which I am still learning to use, and in all honesty, I was only partially listening to what was actually being taught. And then he said it...

..."and we end up trying to carry more than we can carry"...

Those words, along with his visual of carrying bricks covered in shiny wrapping paper, struck a chord and reigned me in. From then on, he had my full attention.

I realized that is exactly what I have been doing. I have hidden each and every hurt that I have faced in pretty, shiny wrapping paper and carried it with me rather than dealing with it and leaving it at the foot of the cross where it belongs. I realized too, that I can't do it anymore. The weight that I have been carrying is more than I can carry.

I have to admit that I am not exactly sure what the next step is - and no, it's not because I wasn't paying attention. :) I am sure that there is forgiveness involved, but I don't know how to go about forgiving when the person I need to forgive is me. I just know that the weight of all those shiny little packages is overwhelming. I can't carry it any more.

The opening question for today's message was "What gift are you going to give yourself this Christmas?" I think it's time I gave myself a chance.

Several weeks ago I made the decision to lose some weight, but today, I realized that physical weight is only part of the problem. I need to figure out how to drop all those extra shiny pounds in a place where I will not be tempted to pick them up again. I need to live in the forgiveness that Jesus paid for through His death on the cross. I need to be free.

Today was one of many days when it feels as if my senior pastor preached a message just for me, and I am thankful for his obedience to speak from what God puts on his heart. God knew just what I needed to hear. He did his part through Ron. Now it is up to me to do my part. Whatever it takes.